Our Journey

July 11, 2012 was the day I found out that I was pregnant again. I took a pregnancy test around 7:30am because I had been feeling a little strange but I was still surprised when I looked down a minute later and it said pregnant. I have had the feeling of looked down two other times and seeing the words pregnant spelled out for me and being so excited, but this time was different, this time I was scared and nervous. In reality I had been thinking for a week or two that I could be pregnant, but kept denying the feelings because how could I be pregnant? We really hadn't been trying and I have always only gotten pregnant on medication and I hadn't been taking any meds. Could this be real?

I took a picture of the test with my phone and sent it to Mike with a question mark under the picture. He texted back, “I told you!!!!” He had been telling me to take a test for at least a week, but I kept saying, “It’s just side effects from Peru. I am not pregnant”. So, on my lunch break I called Utah Fertility Center to tell them I was pretty sure I was pregnant and needed to know what I should do from here. They called back and told me that I needed to come in the next morning to have my blood drawn to check my HCG level. I went in the following morning and they called me later that afternoon and said, “Your HCG level is at 8026, that means you are very pregnant. Congratulations.” So I scheduled an ultrasound for the 25th of July to make sure everything was developing correctly and to hopefully hear a heartbeat. With our first pregnancy we never heard a heartbeat and with our second pregnancy we lost it before we ever made it to the doctors, so we were really praying to hear something.

First Ultrasound

July 25, 2012 was our first ultrasound and baby got a clean bill of health. The heartbeat was 148 beats per minute, measuring 7 weeks and 6 days, and the Physician’s Assistant said that the baby looked to be implanted in a good place on my uterus. It was so crazy to see the tiny chest rise and fall in rhythm with the heartbeat and then when we heard the heartbeat, it was like nothing else. At that moment, this pregnancy suddenly became very real and very exciting. We had a new found hope that this pregnancy was going to last and we were really going to be able to bring a child into this world; we were going to be parents!

As we left the doctors office we scheduled our second Ultrasound and were told that if everything looked good I would “graduate” and be able to go back to my regular OBGYN.



Second Ultrasound

August 6, 2012 we went in for our second ultrasound and once again baby got a clean bill of health. The heartbeat was 166 beats per minute and Dr. Gurtcheff said the baby was measuring perfectly and everything looked really good. We weren't told what the baby was measuring, but assumed since we were told everything was measuring well, baby was measuring right on track. Dr. Gurtcheff gave me the thumbs up to go a head and schedule an appointment to see my regular OBGYN; I “graduated” from Utah Fertility Center, what a feeling!

I received great care and learned a lot while at Utah Fertility Center, but I was glad to be going back to see Dr. England. I knew that Utah Fertility Center wouldn't send me back to my regular OBGYN if they had any doubt that this pregnancy was going to have early complication, but I also know that Dr. England will take great care of me and this growing baby.


Third Ultrasound

August 23, 2012, was our third ultrasound and our first appointment seeing Dr. England. I was really excited to see him, but one thing I remembered quickly is that, unlike Dr. Gurtcheff at Utah Fertility Center, he does deliveries and is often very late to his appointments, but I also respect that because he makes delivering his patients a priority.

This appointment was a little different then our other two appointments, just for the fact that I had to get labs drawn, they took a blood pressure, and they also got my weight. Utah Fertility Center only follows patients up until a certain week of pregnancy and then they send you back to your regular OBGYN so they don’t do the entire lab work up that a normal OBGYN does on your first prenatal appointment.

Although it was nice to catch up with Dr. England, the best part of the appointment was the ultrasound. Our growing baby measured at 12 weeks and 2 days, was a little over 5cm long (head to rump), and the heartbeat was 167 beats per minutes. So once again our baby got a clean bill of health. It was fun and reassuring to hear the heartbeat again, but it was really cool to see our baby move around like it was. Dr. England even said, “How am I expected to get a picture of this baby if it won’t stop moving?” It was moving all over the place and it is so wired to me that I can’t feel any of it, but that will come soon enough.

Our next doctor’s appointment is on September 20th and we will be around 16 weeks at that time.

Worst Couple Days of Our Lives

Friday, March 4 started the worst day of my life. As I got up to get ready for work I realized I was bleeding a little bit, I know that some bleeding during pregnancy can be normal, but I didn't feel right about it. Unfortunately, it was 20 minutes before I was suppose to be at work so I pulled myself together and left for work. I was trying to hold myself together but the longer I was there the less I was able to accomplish that task. I finally told the charge nurse that I thought I was having a miscarriage and she sent me home around 10:30am. I came home and went back to bed until Mike was able to get home around 2:00pm. When Mike got home he made me call the doctors office and they told me if my bleeding got worse and if I stated cramping that I needed to head to the ER. As I went to bed on Friday night I had no cramping and the bleeding didn't seem to be getting any worse.

Saturday, March 5 around 3:00am I had the urge to go to the bathroom and that started the second worst day of my life. I started having severe cramps and my bleeding was out of control. I knew we were about to loose the baby we had worked so hard for. My biggest fear was coming true. Miscarriages run ramped in my family and I was hoping that I would be able to escape that fact at least until after my first baby was born. Around 4:00am my baby was gone. I was in physical pain and I felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest, I was in so much pain. I had never experienced pain like that. I had always felt sympathy for people that had miscarriages but never understood what they went through until that precise moment. I went from an extreme high to an extreme low in a matter of 24 hours.

From the moment we started trying to get pregnant we prayed that my body would be able to carry the pregnancy and that everything would be ok with the baby. All we wanted was a health baby and for mom to be healthy too. I thought that since we were tried with the process of having a child that we would some how escape the startling statistic that more the 25% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage. When I found out I was pregnant I thought my trial was over. Throughout the process of trying to get pregnant people would always ask me would I rather not be pregnant or go through what could possibly be many miscarriages. My answer, I rather not be pregnant because I think a miscarriage would destroy me.

Mike kept me really busy the rest of Saturday in order to keep my mind off of the fact that we had just lost our baby. Saturday night came along and I realized my nephews baby blessing was the next day and thought I should tell my family before the blessing to ensure I would not take away from the joy of that day, so slowly but surely I told my family and relived that very painful hour every time the words came out of my mouth. People would ask me what they could do to help me and my answer was unless you can bring my baby back to me, there was nothing they could do.

I cried for days and days and nothing people said or did helped. I wanted my baby back and that was not possible.

Tuesday, March 8 was the first day I was alone at my house and alone with my thoughts. By the end of the day I literally was hiding in the back of my closest, covered by clothes and just wanted to be left alone. I am not usually a depressive person but the fact I was not pregnant anymore was eating me alive. I felt like I should be ok because Mike was not showing signs of being sad. Mike was telling people that I was ok, so people would not ask me how I was doing, so I should be ok right. Wrong! I was hurting and needed him to hurt too. I wanted someone to cry with and he was not crying. I wanted someone to feel the way I was feeling and didn't think Mike was feeling that way. I was sick of him being tough, I wanted him to be weak with me. How was I going to deal with this?

By Friday, March 11, I was starting to feel ok, time was passing and I was dealing with the fact that we would have to start again. Was time really helping me? It was, I was getting better every day. My friend Chellese texted me a song to listen to, she said that she would listen to it over and over again if she was dealing with something hard. So I downloaded the song and it quickly become my bedtime song, the song I listened to on my way to work, on lunch break, pretty much anytime that I felt I needed a little pick me up. You always hear that music is a powerful tool in changing emotions and it is so true. I felt like that song was written just for me and the funny thing is we listened to this song in college all the time and I was thinking about that song a few weeks before and could not remember the name of the song, Chellese was an answer to my prayers.

I don't think I am an outwardly spiritual person but I didn't know what I was suppose to be learning from this and the more and more I thought about it the only thing I could think of was, I needed to learn patience, I needed to trust in Heavenly Fathers plan and realize that He knows and sees more than I do, I needed to learn perseverance, and faith.

It has been one month and if I still think about the loose I went through I still cry and wish I was still caring a baby, but I know that someday we will be blessed with a baby and I know that we will love that baby more than we have ever loved anything before.

First Dr. Appointment

We went to our first Dr. appointment today and found out we weren't as far along as we thought. We thought we would be about 10 weeks but found out we are only measuring about 5 weeks and 6 days. So we are going back to the doctors in 2 weeks and hopefully we will have a little more news to share.

Finally!

January 20, 2011, Mike and I found out we were pregnant after a grueling 18 months of trying to get pregnant. We started trying August 2009 and went on fertility meds in April 2010 due to some problems with my body. 8 months later we were over the moon to finally get a positive pregnancy test. I didn't even know what to do when the test showed positive because I was so used to seeing not pregnant. We finally get our little bundle of joy instead of being happy for everyone one else and secretly wishing it was us. On February 25 we go to the first doctors appointment and hopefully will be able to here the heart beat.

Marry Christmas!

I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas from the Nelsons!

We are all married now

In college I met five girls that I will always be able to call my best friends and on November 6, 2010 all six of us gathered together to share in the event of the last of us to be married. The first one to get married was Dano.

Dano married Jer on April 20, 2007

The second one to get married was me.

I married Mike on August 1, 2008

The third one to get married was Chellese.

Chellese married Evan on August 16, 2008

The fourth one to get married was Whitney.

Whitney married Monty on August 7, 2009

The fifth one to get married was Tina.

Tina married Colby on December 18, 2009

The sixth on to get married was Amy.

Amy married Aaron on November 6, 2010

All of our weddings were different but we all shared them in the same way, with the people we love the most. I am so lucky to call these girls my best friends. We have all been through a lot together, some of us have had our struggles but in the end we are all best friends. I will love these girls forever! Congratulations to all of us!

Happy Halloween

Every year at Mike's work they have a costume party for Halloween and every year, all year long, I rack my brain on what he could be for Halloween. This costume party is not a normal costume party there is a lot at stake. See there is this girl named Emilee and Emilee comes up with the most elegant costumes every year and no one can beat her costumes. If you know me at all you know I am a little competitive and after I found out this tidbit of information it has became my goal to beat her. Halloween 2009 Mike tied Emilee for first place and this year I thought Mike's costume for sure would beat her. In college I had a pretty creative roommate named Tina and she came up with the idea of a costume that another one of my roommates, Chellese, wore for Halloween one year and won a costume party. That costume was a bag of marshmallows. I thought if anything people would vote for Mike even if it was just out of sympathy and although Mike took second Emilee still won. So my internal drive to beat Emilee will continue at least for one more year.