Second Trimester
Week 13 was a lot like weeks 12 for me, not much better and
not any worse, just the same. People
always say that second trimester is a fabulous trimester because you regain
your energy, you are not normally sick, and you all around just feel good. Well I was waiting for that and it wasn’t
coming. I wanted my energy back, I was
tired of not having the stamina I needed to get things done, and after all, I
was into my second trimester already.
Then I thought to myself, maybe it take more then just a week to feel
better.
Week 14 is when I started to notice I was getting some of my
stamina back, I had more energy, and I wasn’t feeling sick anymore. I was actually feeling pretty good.
This is the week I really noticed that I was uncomfortable
in my clothing. I had been wearing
maternity shirts and pants every once in a while, for the reason of they just
fit better. But this week made me
realize that I was losing the battle with my pants and they were actually
making me feel more pregnant then I was or even looked. They were also hurting my belly after a
while, actually everything, if it was too tight, would. So I told Mike that I think I need to go get
a couple more pairs of maternity pants and some more maternity shirts so I have
things to wear.
Week 15 is when I felt as though I finally hit the second
trimester glory, I was feeling really good.
I had regained some energy and my stamina had greatly improved. Besides that, nothing really had changed.
Week 16 I was feeling great, but with the baby growing it
caused my body to stretch and change.
Over the last few weeks I started noticing that I felt like my stomach
was going to rip in half. Knowing it was
probably just my body stretching to accommodate the growing baby, it was still
uncomfortable. So, I talked to my OB and
he said as long as it subsides quickly it is entirely normal and said it will
continue throughout most of my pregnancy.
Week 17 was much like the last couple of weeks, not much of
a change which at this point is a good thing.
This week is also the
week I gave in and went and bought more maternity clothes. I was tired of not having anything
comfortable to wear and I needed more then one pair of pants to wear.
Week 18 I was still feeling great. I still hadn’t felt the baby move, but I was
sure everything was OK and I am looking forward to the day when I do feel baby
move.
Anatomy Ultrasound
October 10, 2012 was the big day, the day we could find out
if this baby was going to be a girl or boy.
We were very excited, so excited that we started counting down the days
a week before the appointment. It was
exciting to think that we were going to be able to see if our baby was still
growing and developing like it should be and how big it was at this point. It was exciting knowing that we were going to
be able to see our baby in general. It
is fun listening to the heart beat, but it was really cool to see our baby and
see where it is now compared to where it was the last time we saw it.
The appointment itself took about 40 minutes and was very
interesting. The ultrasound tech
measured my cervix and how much amniotic fluid was surrounding the baby and she
also took a bunch of measurements on baby.
She measured baby’s head, the abdomen, the femur, and the length of the
feet. She also looked at baby’s brain,
the spine, the kidneys, the 4 chambers of the heart, the diaphragm, the arms
and legs, and the umbilical cord. And
although I am sure she looked and or measured more, that is all she pointed out
or that I remember.
All in all the appointment was very cool and it was very
cool to see our baby move around, but the thing we remember the most about this
appointment was finding out that we are having a baby BOY!!! Yep, a boy!!! Our little boy weighs in at a whole 9 ounces,
the length of his little foot measured a whole 1 inch, and he still had a good
strong heart beat, so as far as we know he got a clean bill of health. I did ask the ultrasound tech if she thought
everything looked good, knowing she couldn’t tell me anything but I figured I
would try, she said Dr. England would be able to give me all the results when
we went in for our next appointment, so, I guess we will have to wait until
October 22, 2012 to know officially if everything looks good, but as far as I
could tell everything did.
It is crazy to think about, but we only have about 21 weeks
left until we can bring home our little boy!
Week 19 was a fun week, we started calling our baby a baby
boy and we started looked for things to buy and although we didn’t buy anything
this week it was fun to start thinking about nursery colors, bedding,
furniture, and thinking about how to arrange all the furniture in the nursery. As
far as how I was feeling, I was feeling really good.
Week 20 was a lot like the last few weeks as far as how I
was feeling. I decided that I really
like second trimester and realized why every other pregnant women does too.
We bought our little man’s bedding on October 20th. It is made by Lambs and Ivy and it called Bow
Wow. My original thought was that I
wanted to go with more of a color scheme instead of doing a themed room, but as
I started looking at bedding, I noticed there isn’t a fantastic selection of
bedding for boys that include more them a couple of colors. So, ultimately I went with the bedding I did
for the colors I could pull from to decorate the nursery. Let the process of decorating begin!
Fifth appointment
October 22, 2012 we went to see Dr. England again. He went over the anatomy ultrasound findings
and said that everything looked good and that he wasn’t worried about
anything. We did get to listen to the
heart beat and his little heart was beating 151 beats per minute. Dr. England said that he would expect that I
would continue to progress as I have and he would see me at my next
appointment. Our next appointment will
be on November 19th.
Week 21 is the week that my dad bought our crib and
mattress. It was fun buying what I would
expect to be the biggest purchase made for this baby and although we haven’t
set it up yet, we still have it and that is one thing we can check off our
list.
Week 22 was much like the past few weeks, still feeling pretty
good with nothing new to report.
Week 23 was a pretty good week as far as how I was feeling,
there were a couple of days that I felt like I reverted back into first
trimester as far as being tired, but overall it was a good week.
On November 10th we went to Home Depot to see if they
could color match the bedding instead of having to look at tons of paint swatches
and still not finding the right color and we got lucky because they were able
to color match the bedding so we were able to get the paint and although we
probably won’t paint for a couple of weeks, we have it and that is what
matters.
Week 24 I was back to feeling good again, however, I have
noticed that I am getting tired more easily then I was a few weeks ago. Don’t get me wrong it is nothing like first trimester;
I still have energy and feel pretty good, I just get tired quicker then my
normal.
As of yet, I still haven’t felt any movements that are
undoubtedly baby moving, I am sure he is moving around. I do feel movement in my belly every once in
a while and with this being my first baby and me not knowing what it feels like
when a baby moves, I could be feeling him and passing it off as gas or
something.
Sixth appointment
November 19, 2012 we went to see Dr. England again and he
said everything looked good. The heart
beat was 148 beats per minute and sounded strong. I have heard people compare the sound of a
baby’s heart beat to the sound of running horses and I heard that at this
appointment. So, that makes me think our
little man is closer to the surface then he has been because I have never heard
the heart beat sound like that, it was pretty cool to hear.
Dr. England told me that at our next appointment, which will
be on December 17, 2012, I would be doing testing for Gestational
Diabetes. I have heard this test isn’t
one to look forward too so it should be interesting.
Week 25 was a good week for me, I only had to work 3 days
this week and it was the week of Thanksgiving.
I had been feeling more tired lately so I was really looking forward to
having a few days off where I could just hangout and relax.
I have been feeling more movement in my belly this week, so
I am starting to think the things I have been feeling have been the baby moving
around, but I am still not 100% positive.
We bought some pajamas for our little man this week and it
was actually the only thing we bought over the Thanksgiving holiday.
Week 26 is when I officially knew that I was feeling our
little guy move around, making the first noticeable kick happening on
Thanksgiving night. I still don’t feel
him all that often, but I feel him often enough to know it is him.
It is crazy to think that I only have one more
trimester to go and our little boy will be here. Second trimester was good to me and I hope
third is just as good. We still have a
lot to get done before this little one makes his arrival, but knowing how I get
when a deadline is approaching, it will all get done.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Our Journey continued...
First Trimester
I told myself before I was pregnant, that since we had to work so hard to get pregnant that I wouldn't complain about being pregnant. I hear women complain about the struggles they go through when they are pregnant and I always thought to myself, if they ever had to struggle to get pregnant or to stay pregnant they wouldn't complain about the things they experience while they are pregnant. There are so many people in this world that can’t get pregnant, have been pregnant many times with no success of carrying a child past a few weeks, and many people that try for years and years that would give anything to go through the struggles that pregnant women go through. So with that being said, I don’t want this to sound as though I am complaining I just know if I don’t write this down, some day I will wish that I would have wrote down what is was like to be pregnant and the things that I went through while being pregnant.
My first trimester was interesting to say the least and all I can I say is holy cow! I think girls in general and used to their bodies changing slightly every month, but being pregnant is crazy. My body has gone through so many changes already and I feel like it continues to change everyday.
Week 6 is the week I found out I was pregnant and both Mike and I were over the moon excited. At this point I wasn't feeling nauseas and food still sounded good, but I was feeling “off” and tired. All I can compare it too is, I felt like I had the flu and all I wanted to do is sleep. But all in all I was feeling pretty good.
Week 7 is when I started to feel sick and lost my ability to eat just anything. Eating quickly became something I had to do rather then something I looked forward to doing. Even drinking water was a challenge. I was also feeling really tired and being out in the sun would take everything out of me. On the positive side, when I did have energy I felt pretty good.
Weeks 8 and 9 were a lot like week 7 except my nausea was no longer being controlled by food and I was feeling sick about 98% of my day. I could no longer drink water on an empty stomach, eat food that didn't sound good, or even smell food that didn't sound good. I would come home from work being so hungry but couldn't eat because nothing sounded good or I was so over hungry that nothing sounded good. I noticed quickly that sweet things were not going to be part of my diet, well at least not in this trimester. When I did eat sweet things it made me sick almost instantly. When I say sweet things I mean jams, yogurt, juice, etc… not just baked good and candy. I did find out that my go to food when nothing else sounded good was, toasted peanut and honey sandwiches and a glass of milk. I could have them any time of the day and eat multiples of them.
Week 10 was a split week for me. There were days that I would feel great and then there were days that weren't any different from the weeks before. I always took extra food with me to work so when I would get hungry I would have something to tie me over until it was time to eat again. There would be some days that I would eat everything I would bring for snacks and still need something else and then there were days that I didn't need to eat anything extra. I was still pretty tired and I didn't have that much energy, but I was regaining some energy, not a lot, but some.
This week was also the week we told our families we were expecting a baby.
Week 11 I feel like things started to shift. I started to notice that I would feel pretty good in the morning up until after lunch then sometime around 1-3 I would start to get sick again. I was still bringing snacks with me every day and much like week 10, some days I would eat everything and some days I would take food home.
Week 12 there were more days I would feel good the whole day then there were days I would fill sick in the afternoon. The shift in me taking food home was greater then the days I would take an empty lunch box home. I still didn't have a ton of energy, but I had more energy throughout the day. When I got home and relaxed for the night is when I noticed how tired I really was. Before I was pregnant my bed time was most always at 10:30, while being pregnant, most days I am ready for bed at 9:30 and go to bed around 10. All in all I was feeling better and food was again becoming something I could enjoy.
This week we also started telling close friends that we were excepting a baby.
Well we made it through the first trimester, we had some up and downs, but we made it through. We learned a lot and at each doctors appointment our baby got a clean bill of health. Our baby was growing and developing and we only have to wait 2 more trimesters to meet him or her.
Fourth Appointment
September 20, 2012, was our fourth appointment and once again baby got a clean bill of health. Although we didn't have an ultrasound this time we did get to hear the heartbeat and it was beating at 153 beats per minute and sounded nice and strong. Dr. England did give me the order form to call and schedule the anatomy ultrasound for about 3 weeks or around 19 weeks, but not before 19 weeks. So we will be able to find out what our baby is on October 10, 2012 and I also scheduled my next appointment with Dr England for October 22, 2012.
I told myself before I was pregnant, that since we had to work so hard to get pregnant that I wouldn't complain about being pregnant. I hear women complain about the struggles they go through when they are pregnant and I always thought to myself, if they ever had to struggle to get pregnant or to stay pregnant they wouldn't complain about the things they experience while they are pregnant. There are so many people in this world that can’t get pregnant, have been pregnant many times with no success of carrying a child past a few weeks, and many people that try for years and years that would give anything to go through the struggles that pregnant women go through. So with that being said, I don’t want this to sound as though I am complaining I just know if I don’t write this down, some day I will wish that I would have wrote down what is was like to be pregnant and the things that I went through while being pregnant.
My first trimester was interesting to say the least and all I can I say is holy cow! I think girls in general and used to their bodies changing slightly every month, but being pregnant is crazy. My body has gone through so many changes already and I feel like it continues to change everyday.
Week 6 is the week I found out I was pregnant and both Mike and I were over the moon excited. At this point I wasn't feeling nauseas and food still sounded good, but I was feeling “off” and tired. All I can compare it too is, I felt like I had the flu and all I wanted to do is sleep. But all in all I was feeling pretty good.
Week 7 is when I started to feel sick and lost my ability to eat just anything. Eating quickly became something I had to do rather then something I looked forward to doing. Even drinking water was a challenge. I was also feeling really tired and being out in the sun would take everything out of me. On the positive side, when I did have energy I felt pretty good.
Weeks 8 and 9 were a lot like week 7 except my nausea was no longer being controlled by food and I was feeling sick about 98% of my day. I could no longer drink water on an empty stomach, eat food that didn't sound good, or even smell food that didn't sound good. I would come home from work being so hungry but couldn't eat because nothing sounded good or I was so over hungry that nothing sounded good. I noticed quickly that sweet things were not going to be part of my diet, well at least not in this trimester. When I did eat sweet things it made me sick almost instantly. When I say sweet things I mean jams, yogurt, juice, etc… not just baked good and candy. I did find out that my go to food when nothing else sounded good was, toasted peanut and honey sandwiches and a glass of milk. I could have them any time of the day and eat multiples of them.
Week 10 was a split week for me. There were days that I would feel great and then there were days that weren't any different from the weeks before. I always took extra food with me to work so when I would get hungry I would have something to tie me over until it was time to eat again. There would be some days that I would eat everything I would bring for snacks and still need something else and then there were days that I didn't need to eat anything extra. I was still pretty tired and I didn't have that much energy, but I was regaining some energy, not a lot, but some.
This week was also the week we told our families we were expecting a baby.
Week 11 I feel like things started to shift. I started to notice that I would feel pretty good in the morning up until after lunch then sometime around 1-3 I would start to get sick again. I was still bringing snacks with me every day and much like week 10, some days I would eat everything and some days I would take food home.
Week 12 there were more days I would feel good the whole day then there were days I would fill sick in the afternoon. The shift in me taking food home was greater then the days I would take an empty lunch box home. I still didn't have a ton of energy, but I had more energy throughout the day. When I got home and relaxed for the night is when I noticed how tired I really was. Before I was pregnant my bed time was most always at 10:30, while being pregnant, most days I am ready for bed at 9:30 and go to bed around 10. All in all I was feeling better and food was again becoming something I could enjoy.
This week we also started telling close friends that we were excepting a baby.
Well we made it through the first trimester, we had some up and downs, but we made it through. We learned a lot and at each doctors appointment our baby got a clean bill of health. Our baby was growing and developing and we only have to wait 2 more trimesters to meet him or her.
Fourth Appointment
September 20, 2012, was our fourth appointment and once again baby got a clean bill of health. Although we didn't have an ultrasound this time we did get to hear the heartbeat and it was beating at 153 beats per minute and sounded nice and strong. Dr. England did give me the order form to call and schedule the anatomy ultrasound for about 3 weeks or around 19 weeks, but not before 19 weeks. So we will be able to find out what our baby is on October 10, 2012 and I also scheduled my next appointment with Dr England for October 22, 2012.
Our Journey
July 11, 2012 was the day I found out that I was pregnant again. I took a pregnancy test around 7:30am because I had been feeling a little strange but I was still surprised when I looked down a minute later and it said pregnant. I have had the feeling of looked down two other times and seeing the words pregnant spelled out for me and being so excited, but this time was different, this time I was scared and nervous. In reality I had been thinking for a week or two that I could be pregnant, but kept denying the feelings because how could I be pregnant? We really hadn't been trying and I have always only gotten pregnant on medication and I hadn't been taking any meds. Could this be real?
I took a picture of the test with my phone and sent it to Mike with a question mark under the picture. He texted back, “I told you!!!!” He had been telling me to take a test for at least a week, but I kept saying, “It’s just side effects from Peru. I am not pregnant”. So, on my lunch break I called Utah Fertility Center to tell them I was pretty sure I was pregnant and needed to know what I should do from here. They called back and told me that I needed to come in the next morning to have my blood drawn to check my HCG level. I went in the following morning and they called me later that afternoon and said, “Your HCG level is at 8026, that means you are very pregnant. Congratulations.” So I scheduled an ultrasound for the 25th of July to make sure everything was developing correctly and to hopefully hear a heartbeat. With our first pregnancy we never heard a heartbeat and with our second pregnancy we lost it before we ever made it to the doctors, so we were really praying to hear something.
First Ultrasound
July 25, 2012 was our first ultrasound and baby got a clean bill of health. The heartbeat was 148 beats per minute, measuring 7 weeks and 6 days, and the Physician’s Assistant said that the baby looked to be implanted in a good place on my uterus. It was so crazy to see the tiny chest rise and fall in rhythm with the heartbeat and then when we heard the heartbeat, it was like nothing else. At that moment, this pregnancy suddenly became very real and very exciting. We had a new found hope that this pregnancy was going to last and we were really going to be able to bring a child into this world; we were going to be parents!
As we left the doctors office we scheduled our second Ultrasound and were told that if everything looked good I would “graduate” and be able to go back to my regular OBGYN.
Second Ultrasound
August 6, 2012 we went in for our second ultrasound and once again baby got a clean bill of health. The heartbeat was 166 beats per minute and Dr. Gurtcheff said the baby was measuring perfectly and everything looked really good. We weren't told what the baby was measuring, but assumed since we were told everything was measuring well, baby was measuring right on track. Dr. Gurtcheff gave me the thumbs up to go a head and schedule an appointment to see my regular OBGYN; I “graduated” from Utah Fertility Center, what a feeling!
I received great care and learned a lot while at Utah Fertility Center, but I was glad to be going back to see Dr. England. I knew that Utah Fertility Center wouldn't send me back to my regular OBGYN if they had any doubt that this pregnancy was going to have early complication, but I also know that Dr. England will take great care of me and this growing baby.
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Third Ultrasound
August 23, 2012, was our third ultrasound and our first appointment seeing Dr. England. I was really excited to see him, but one thing I remembered quickly is that, unlike Dr. Gurtcheff at Utah Fertility Center, he does deliveries and is often very late to his appointments, but I also respect that because he makes delivering his patients a priority.
This appointment was a little different then our other two appointments, just for the fact that I had to get labs drawn, they took a blood pressure, and they also got my weight. Utah Fertility Center only follows patients up until a certain week of pregnancy and then they send you back to your regular OBGYN so they don’t do the entire lab work up that a normal OBGYN does on your first prenatal appointment.
Although it was nice to catch up with Dr. England, the best part of the appointment was the ultrasound. Our growing baby measured at 12 weeks and 2 days, was a little over 5cm long (head to rump), and the heartbeat was 167 beats per minutes. So once again our baby got a clean bill of health. It was fun and reassuring to hear the heartbeat again, but it was really cool to see our baby move around like it was. Dr. England even said, “How am I expected to get a picture of this baby if it won’t stop moving?” It was moving all over the place and it is so wired to me that I can’t feel any of it, but that will come soon enough.
Our next doctor’s appointment is on September 20th and we will be around 16 weeks at that time.
July 11, 2012 was the day I found out that I was pregnant again. I took a pregnancy test around 7:30am because I had been feeling a little strange but I was still surprised when I looked down a minute later and it said pregnant. I have had the feeling of looked down two other times and seeing the words pregnant spelled out for me and being so excited, but this time was different, this time I was scared and nervous. In reality I had been thinking for a week or two that I could be pregnant, but kept denying the feelings because how could I be pregnant? We really hadn't been trying and I have always only gotten pregnant on medication and I hadn't been taking any meds. Could this be real?
I took a picture of the test with my phone and sent it to Mike with a question mark under the picture. He texted back, “I told you!!!!” He had been telling me to take a test for at least a week, but I kept saying, “It’s just side effects from Peru. I am not pregnant”. So, on my lunch break I called Utah Fertility Center to tell them I was pretty sure I was pregnant and needed to know what I should do from here. They called back and told me that I needed to come in the next morning to have my blood drawn to check my HCG level. I went in the following morning and they called me later that afternoon and said, “Your HCG level is at 8026, that means you are very pregnant. Congratulations.” So I scheduled an ultrasound for the 25th of July to make sure everything was developing correctly and to hopefully hear a heartbeat. With our first pregnancy we never heard a heartbeat and with our second pregnancy we lost it before we ever made it to the doctors, so we were really praying to hear something.
First Ultrasound
July 25, 2012 was our first ultrasound and baby got a clean bill of health. The heartbeat was 148 beats per minute, measuring 7 weeks and 6 days, and the Physician’s Assistant said that the baby looked to be implanted in a good place on my uterus. It was so crazy to see the tiny chest rise and fall in rhythm with the heartbeat and then when we heard the heartbeat, it was like nothing else. At that moment, this pregnancy suddenly became very real and very exciting. We had a new found hope that this pregnancy was going to last and we were really going to be able to bring a child into this world; we were going to be parents!
As we left the doctors office we scheduled our second Ultrasound and were told that if everything looked good I would “graduate” and be able to go back to my regular OBGYN.
Second Ultrasound
August 6, 2012 we went in for our second ultrasound and once again baby got a clean bill of health. The heartbeat was 166 beats per minute and Dr. Gurtcheff said the baby was measuring perfectly and everything looked really good. We weren't told what the baby was measuring, but assumed since we were told everything was measuring well, baby was measuring right on track. Dr. Gurtcheff gave me the thumbs up to go a head and schedule an appointment to see my regular OBGYN; I “graduated” from Utah Fertility Center, what a feeling!
I received great care and learned a lot while at Utah Fertility Center, but I was glad to be going back to see Dr. England. I knew that Utah Fertility Center wouldn't send me back to my regular OBGYN if they had any doubt that this pregnancy was going to have early complication, but I also know that Dr. England will take great care of me and this growing baby.
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Third UltrasoundAugust 23, 2012, was our third ultrasound and our first appointment seeing Dr. England. I was really excited to see him, but one thing I remembered quickly is that, unlike Dr. Gurtcheff at Utah Fertility Center, he does deliveries and is often very late to his appointments, but I also respect that because he makes delivering his patients a priority.
This appointment was a little different then our other two appointments, just for the fact that I had to get labs drawn, they took a blood pressure, and they also got my weight. Utah Fertility Center only follows patients up until a certain week of pregnancy and then they send you back to your regular OBGYN so they don’t do the entire lab work up that a normal OBGYN does on your first prenatal appointment.
Although it was nice to catch up with Dr. England, the best part of the appointment was the ultrasound. Our growing baby measured at 12 weeks and 2 days, was a little over 5cm long (head to rump), and the heartbeat was 167 beats per minutes. So once again our baby got a clean bill of health. It was fun and reassuring to hear the heartbeat again, but it was really cool to see our baby move around like it was. Dr. England even said, “How am I expected to get a picture of this baby if it won’t stop moving?” It was moving all over the place and it is so wired to me that I can’t feel any of it, but that will come soon enough.
Our next doctor’s appointment is on September 20th and we will be around 16 weeks at that time.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Worst Couple Days of Our Lives
Friday, March 4 started the worst day of my life. As I got up to get ready for work I realized I was bleeding a little bit, I know that some bleeding during pregnancy can be normal, but I didn't feel right about it. Unfortunately, it was 20 minutes before I was suppose to be at work so I pulled myself together and left for work. I was trying to hold myself together but the longer I was there the less I was able to accomplish that task. I finally told the charge nurse that I thought I was having a miscarriage and she sent me home around 10:30am. I came home and went back to bed until Mike was able to get home around 2:00pm. When Mike got home he made me call the doctors office and they told me if my bleeding got worse and if I stated cramping that I needed to head to the ER. As I went to bed on Friday night I had no cramping and the bleeding didn't seem to be getting any worse.
Saturday, March 5 around 3:00am I had the urge to go to the bathroom and that started the second worst day of my life. I started having severe cramps and my bleeding was out of control. I knew we were about to loose the baby we had worked so hard for. My biggest fear was coming true. Miscarriages run ramped in my family and I was hoping that I would be able to escape that fact at least until after my first baby was born. Around 4:00am my baby was gone. I was in physical pain and I felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest, I was in so much pain. I had never experienced pain like that. I had always felt sympathy for people that had miscarriages but never understood what they went through until that precise moment. I went from an extreme high to an extreme low in a matter of 24 hours.
From the moment we started trying to get pregnant we prayed that my body would be able to carry the pregnancy and that everything would be ok with the baby. All we wanted was a health baby and for mom to be healthy too. I thought that since we were tried with the process of having a child that we would some how escape the startling statistic that more the 25% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage. When I found out I was pregnant I thought my trial was over. Throughout the process of trying to get pregnant people would always ask me would I rather not be pregnant or go through what could possibly be many miscarriages. My answer, I rather not be pregnant because I think a miscarriage would destroy me.
Mike kept me really busy the rest of Saturday in order to keep my mind off of the fact that we had just lost our baby. Saturday night came along and I realized my nephews baby blessing was the next day and thought I should tell my family before the blessing to ensure I would not take away from the joy of that day, so slowly but surely I told my family and relived that very painful hour every time the words came out of my mouth. People would ask me what they could do to help me and my answer was unless you can bring my baby back to me, there was nothing they could do.
I cried for days and days and nothing people said or did helped. I wanted my baby back and that was not possible.
Tuesday, March 8 was the first day I was alone at my house and alone with my thoughts. By the end of the day I literally was hiding in the back of my closest, covered by clothes and just wanted to be left alone. I am not usually a depressive person but the fact I was not pregnant anymore was eating me alive. I felt like I should be ok because Mike was not showing signs of being sad. Mike was telling people that I was ok, so people would not ask me how I was doing, so I should be ok right. Wrong! I was hurting and needed him to hurt too. I wanted someone to cry with and he was not crying. I wanted someone to feel the way I was feeling and didn't think Mike was feeling that way. I was sick of him being tough, I wanted him to be weak with me. How was I going to deal with this?
By Friday, March 11, I was starting to feel ok, time was passing and I was dealing with the fact that we would have to start again. Was time really helping me? It was, I was getting better every day. My friend Chellese texted me a song to listen to, she said that she would listen to it over and over again if she was dealing with something hard. So I downloaded the song and it quickly become my bedtime song, the song I listened to on my way to work, on lunch break, pretty much anytime that I felt I needed a little pick me up. You always hear that music is a powerful tool in changing emotions and it is so true. I felt like that song was written just for me and the funny thing is we listened to this song in college all the time and I was thinking about that song a few weeks before and could not remember the name of the song, Chellese was an answer to my prayers.
I don't think I am an outwardly spiritual person but I didn't know what I was suppose to be learning from this and the more and more I thought about it the only thing I could think of was, I needed to learn patience, I needed to trust in Heavenly Fathers plan and realize that He knows and sees more than I do, I needed to learn perseverance, and faith.
It has been one month and if I still think about the loose I went through I still cry and wish I was still caring a baby, but I know that someday we will be blessed with a baby and I know that we will love that baby more than we have ever loved anything before.
Saturday, March 5 around 3:00am I had the urge to go to the bathroom and that started the second worst day of my life. I started having severe cramps and my bleeding was out of control. I knew we were about to loose the baby we had worked so hard for. My biggest fear was coming true. Miscarriages run ramped in my family and I was hoping that I would be able to escape that fact at least until after my first baby was born. Around 4:00am my baby was gone. I was in physical pain and I felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest, I was in so much pain. I had never experienced pain like that. I had always felt sympathy for people that had miscarriages but never understood what they went through until that precise moment. I went from an extreme high to an extreme low in a matter of 24 hours.
From the moment we started trying to get pregnant we prayed that my body would be able to carry the pregnancy and that everything would be ok with the baby. All we wanted was a health baby and for mom to be healthy too. I thought that since we were tried with the process of having a child that we would some how escape the startling statistic that more the 25% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage. When I found out I was pregnant I thought my trial was over. Throughout the process of trying to get pregnant people would always ask me would I rather not be pregnant or go through what could possibly be many miscarriages. My answer, I rather not be pregnant because I think a miscarriage would destroy me.
Mike kept me really busy the rest of Saturday in order to keep my mind off of the fact that we had just lost our baby. Saturday night came along and I realized my nephews baby blessing was the next day and thought I should tell my family before the blessing to ensure I would not take away from the joy of that day, so slowly but surely I told my family and relived that very painful hour every time the words came out of my mouth. People would ask me what they could do to help me and my answer was unless you can bring my baby back to me, there was nothing they could do.
I cried for days and days and nothing people said or did helped. I wanted my baby back and that was not possible.
Tuesday, March 8 was the first day I was alone at my house and alone with my thoughts. By the end of the day I literally was hiding in the back of my closest, covered by clothes and just wanted to be left alone. I am not usually a depressive person but the fact I was not pregnant anymore was eating me alive. I felt like I should be ok because Mike was not showing signs of being sad. Mike was telling people that I was ok, so people would not ask me how I was doing, so I should be ok right. Wrong! I was hurting and needed him to hurt too. I wanted someone to cry with and he was not crying. I wanted someone to feel the way I was feeling and didn't think Mike was feeling that way. I was sick of him being tough, I wanted him to be weak with me. How was I going to deal with this?
By Friday, March 11, I was starting to feel ok, time was passing and I was dealing with the fact that we would have to start again. Was time really helping me? It was, I was getting better every day. My friend Chellese texted me a song to listen to, she said that she would listen to it over and over again if she was dealing with something hard. So I downloaded the song and it quickly become my bedtime song, the song I listened to on my way to work, on lunch break, pretty much anytime that I felt I needed a little pick me up. You always hear that music is a powerful tool in changing emotions and it is so true. I felt like that song was written just for me and the funny thing is we listened to this song in college all the time and I was thinking about that song a few weeks before and could not remember the name of the song, Chellese was an answer to my prayers.
I don't think I am an outwardly spiritual person but I didn't know what I was suppose to be learning from this and the more and more I thought about it the only thing I could think of was, I needed to learn patience, I needed to trust in Heavenly Fathers plan and realize that He knows and sees more than I do, I needed to learn perseverance, and faith.
It has been one month and if I still think about the loose I went through I still cry and wish I was still caring a baby, but I know that someday we will be blessed with a baby and I know that we will love that baby more than we have ever loved anything before.
Friday, February 25, 2011
First Dr. Appointment
We went to our first Dr. appointment today and found out we weren't as far along as we thought. We thought we would be about 10 weeks but found out we are only measuring about 5 weeks and 6 days. So we are going back to the doctors in 2 weeks and hopefully we will have a little more news to share.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Finally!
January 20, 2011, Mike and I found out we were pregnant after a grueling 18 months of trying to get pregnant. We started trying August 2009 and went on fertility meds in April 2010 due to some problems with my body. 8 months later we were over the moon to finally get a positive pregnancy test. I didn't even know what to do when the test showed positive because I was so used to seeing not pregnant. We finally get our little bundle of joy instead of being happy for everyone one else and secretly wishing it was us. On February 25 we go to the first doctors appointment and hopefully will be able to here the heart beat.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
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